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Monday, December 16, 2013

The Top Ten Biggest Jerks in Comics



This list is not to be confused with a list of top ten villains. The characters listed below are strictly the jerks. Note that the jerks in comics can be heroes or villains. Most of the characters who are criminally insane do not qualify as jerks, as most of them are slaves to their mental diseases. These people below are complete jerks because they want to be.


HONORABLE MENTIONS:

These miserable cretins are still pretty big jerks, but just didn’t quite make the top ten.



THE PENGUIN:

 

Oswald Cobblepot, ("The Penguin") is the personification of the abuse of power. He is a constant reminder to Bruce Wayne of what could happen if he were to be unethical with his own fortune. Cobblepot is a mover and shaker in Gotham City, being a descendant of one of the Gotham's most prestigious founding families. However, instead of using his inherited fortune for philanthropy, Cobblepot would rather swindle people out of their own finances and livelihood, whether it be through his notorious Iceberg Casino, gang warfare or even through local politics! No matter what plan Cobblepot has cooking for Gotham, you can be sure he will try to keep his own hands clean.



 

MR. SINISTER:




Mr. Sinister just cannot get enough of himself. As a scientific genius in the fields of biology, genetics, physics and engineering, he has mastered the science of cloning. When he is not trying to manipulate his enemies into slavery through telekinesis, he is making tons of copies of himself in fear of losing his immortality. He was even able to turn the whole city of San Francisco into his own personal city which he called, "Sinister, London." Modeled after Victorian-era architecture and style, the only inhabitants of Sinister, London were clones of Mr. Sinister, go figure!
 
 
M.O.D.O.K.:
 


M.O.D.O.K., or (Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing), is an ungrateful, malicious jerk. He had the audacity to turn on the scientists that created him, taking control of AIM, (Advanced Idea Mechanics). Since that point, he has been a constant fly in the ointment to the likes of Ms. Marvel, Captain America and the Avengers. Although usually thwarted with ease by the world's mightiest heroes, MODOK has been a constant annoyance over the years. He is most noted for weaponizing biological agents to terrorize millions, striking deals with other evil-doers and kidnapping the girlfriends of superheroes.

 

DOCTOR DOOM:
 
 
 
Doctor Victor von Doom is the malevolent monarch of the small European country of Latveria. Being a scientific genius, he has invented many forms of tech with the intent of world domination. One of his most notable inventions, his "Doom-bots," are controlled technopathically by Doom himself to patrol the streets of Latveria like his own personal S.S. and do his evil bidding. He has also tried to steal the powers of numerous superheroes and villians, including the Silver Surfer, Galactus and Terrax. If that's not bad enough, he even tried to steal the infinity gauntlet from Thanos, but then again, allowing Thanos to wield such power is probably even worse!
 

LOBO:

 
 
Lobo is a czarnian galactic bounty hunter and smuggler. He has no real moral values, going wherever the money takes him. This lifestyle has caused Lobo to jump back and forth between the forces of good and evil countless times. He usually tries to kill just about everyone he is assigned to capture, including his own children, his fourth-grade teacher and Santa Claus! Also, he frequents a little restaurant called Al's Diner. Although he always protects Al and his waitress Darlene, his presence in the diner almost always ends with the diner getting torn apart, making "the main man" the master of crapping where he eats!
 
 
 
 
 
...and now I present to you: the top ten!!

 

#10.) MYSTIQUE:
 
 

Mystique is a classic dishonest, prank-loving jerk. Since she’s a shape-shifter, she’ll turn into whoever she pleases to get what she wants. Her latest "jerk-move" entails sneaking into Wolverine's quarters at the Jean Grey School and trashing the place, stealing Wolverine's cherished sword in the process.

#9.) DEADPOOL:
 
 

Deadpool, “the merc with the mouth,” is the token annoying jerk of Marvel Comics. He’ll talk, and talk and talk until you want to literally kill him, but the most annoying thing about that is that it’s almost impossible to kill him due to his healing factor! Oh, and if he has no one to talk to at the moment, or if you try to ignore him, he doesn't mind. He'll just have a nice long conversation with himself, considering his mental instability and schizophrenia.

#8.) WOLVERINE:
 
 

This guy’s one of those “been there, done that,” “one-upper” kind of jerks. I'm sure the fact that Wolvie's been alive for hundreds of years longer than most people  justifies some of this behavior, but just because someone is really old doesn't mean they know everything. He is like this senior citizen that everyone has to placate and respect just because he's the oldest. (He's seen things man!!) He is a mass murderer who for some reason has enough charm to fool both the X-Men and The Avengers into thinking he's a great guy. If that's not enough, he drowned his own son in a lake!

#7.) LARFLEEZE:
 
 

Larfleeze is a greedy jerk. He is perhaps the greediest being in all of comics. Since he is the wielder of the orange light, and since orange lanterns get their power from greed, Larfleeze travels the universe searching for valuables to steal and add to his giant mound of treasures. When Larfleeze hears that there is a holiday on Earth named "Christmas," in which every Earth-being is given everything they desire by a God-like man named "Santa Claus," he writes a Christmas list miles long. However, when no presents appear under the tree for greedy Larfleeze on Christmas morning, he throws a temper tantrum that could rival any fit a toddler could throw. He then goes on a dangerous rampage throughout the city to find St. Nick and locate his presents, roughing up numerous imposter-Santas at parades and shopping malls along the way.

#6.) SINESTRO:


 
Thaal Sinestro is an embodiment of arrogance to say the least. Once a mentor to Hal Jordan during his "rookie season" with the Green Lantern Corps, Sinestro has become the leader of the Yellow Lanterns, (Sinestro Corps), and arch nemesis of the Green Lanterns. This turncoat harnessed the power of fear, which negates the will power utilized by the Green Lanterns to a certain extent. (Although Sinestro finds out later that yellow light is not an even match for green.) He has been responsible for the repression of his own people, conquering and ruling his home planet of Korugar that he was once chosen to protect. He is also the murderer of the guardians of the universe. I suppose that no matter how many times Hal Jordan tries to befriend him and inspire him to do good, you just can't teach an old dog new tricks.

 

#5.) THE RIDDLER:
 
 

The Riddler is the classic narcissistic jerk. He cannot commit a crime without leaving a riddle behind for Batman to solve. He needs Batman, or the police, or whoever it may be to know that it was him that committed the crime. Presently in “Batman: Zero Year,” written by Scott Snyder, the Riddler has not only created a blackout in all of Gotham City just in time for one of the worst storms in decades, but he has also managed to infiltrate Wayne Enterprises, killing numerous employees on his way through the building, just so he can sit on the roof and play solitaire while he waits for Bruce Wayne! (Obviously, the Riddler just wants Brucie to know how easy it was to get through his security.)

#4.) LOKI:
 


Loki, brother of Thor, "God of Lies and Mischief," is the classic trickster-jerk. Within his bag of tricks are telepathy, flight, shape-shifting, inter-dimensional teleportation, psionic abilities, astral projection, molecular rearrangement, energy blasts, illusion casting and hypnosis. With this large array of super powers, Loki has tried all kinds of evil schemes in a quest for power, including the overtaking of both Asgard and Earth. He always makes deals with the scum of the Marvel Universe in order to get what he wants. Whether he is trying to kill his stepbrother, "The God of Thunder," kidnap Jane Foster or use his amazing powers of deception to endanger all of Asgard, if Loki is present, call the Avengers!

 
#3.) LEX LUTHOR:
 
 
 
 This man is perhaps the most narcissistic, egomaniacal jerk in all of comics. Sure, Lex Luthor will fund that new school or hospital in Metropolis, just as long as everyone else knows it was him who funded it! Lex has this complex where he simply must be the best at everything. Well, being a genius and all, he pretty much is the best, at everything he accomplishes at least. Then, this "Superman" comes along, a being that can accomplish almost any task imaginable. Naturally, and just as psychotically as it seems, Lex must prove that he is better than Superman. This rivalry of decades has caused Luthor to create all kinds of intricate schemes, which include tricking a teenage boy into volunteering to be the subject of his experiment to create a duplicate of Superman, only to have the boy turn into "Bizarro," a warped, mutated version of the man of steel. Lex is actually responsible for the creation of other members of Superman's rouge's gallery as well, including Parasite and Metallo. He's also famous for abusing the hell out of being president of the United States. During Luthor's very short term in the oval office, he tried to put a billion-dollar reward on Superman's head, blaming him for a kryptonite asteroid headed for Earth. As usual, everything ended for Lex with a final showdown against Superman, Lex dawning his classic apokoliptic battle suit. As usual, Lex get's his ass beat.
 

#2.) DOCTOR OCTOPUS:
 
 

This obnoxious, know-it-all, condescending, “legend in his own mind,” jerk has done more to earn his "jerk-stripes" than most of the other miscreants on this list. During an accidental radiation leak that ended in an explosion, the four-armed prosthetic apparatus created by Doctor Otto Octavius, (aka Doctor Octopus), became fused to his body. The radiation also mutated his brain to be able to control the movement of his mechanical arms with thoughts alone. Ever since this occurrence, Doc Ock has become one of the biggest jerks in the Marvel Universe. Whether he's stealing government equipment to create nuclear weapons, stealing Peter Parker's memories with the ultimate nullifier, stealing Peter Parker's body with a brain-swapping device, or even stealing Peter Parker's life as Spider-Man, this creep always has something up his sleeve, and it will always endanger a lot of people.


#1.) BATMAN :
 
 
 
 
  I already know I may be offending masses of fanboys as I speak, but think about it for a minute. As precise and tactical as Batman is, he’s a terrible person to work with. It’s always his way or the highway, you can’t tell the guy anything. He thinks he’s better than everyone else in the Justice League, and he’s the only one there without any super powers! He endangers countless minors in the community by making them “side-kicks,” leading to the violent murders of two of his “Robins,” (Jason Todd, and his own son, Damian Wayne). He even went as far as to create specific contingency plans on how to neutralize each member of the Justice League; which means as cunning as this guy may be, he most definitely doesn’t trust anyone. If that’s not enough, he spends the majority of his free time sitting in a cave pouting like the emo kid of the DCU.

6 comments:

  1. Nah, I'm agree with you about Batman. He can be a kind father, but sometimes he's a jerk to kid. Even his child screaming about how he should go to hell. Damian even said that Alfred more like a father rather than him.

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  2. Captain america belongs on this list. He was useless to carol danvers during the rape of ms marvel storyline (avengers 200). He later kicked her off the team because of her alcoholism.

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  3. Hmmm, I never knew that.. That doesn't sound like Cap at all.. but he sure does belong on here if that's the case! Thx Lee!!

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  4. Avengers annual #10. Boy does she ever shame the avengers! The avengers have done some pretty seedy stuff in their time. John byrnes hulk killed thousands, while cap and his team just watched!

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  5. Well, all I can say is that S.H.I.E.L.D. gave birth to The Avengers.. and we all know how shady SHIELD can be.. so I'm not overly surprised. Either way, thx again for the enlightenment! I never knew! Plz keep commenting we love your opinions, and I hope you are enjoying the blog and the podcast!

    ReplyDelete